Letter to the Editor: Presidential conversation

Dear Editor: 

Hypothetical 2017 conversation between President Donald Trump and German Chancellor Angela Merkel, as they both attend a European conference on immigration: 

Merkel: Were you surprised when you won the election? 

Trump: Not really. I was the only viable option. I was far superior to any of the other candidates. 

Merkel: So far some of your decisions haven't been too popular. 

Trump: You mean like renaming the White House the Trump House? 

Merkel: The American press was decidedly negative. 

Trump: The press simply doesn't understand I'm like a king. I feel kinglike. 

Merkel: Your decision to paint the White House green didn't go over very well either. 

Trump: Yeah but green is my favorite color. Green for greenbacks! Green! Green! Green! I love green!

Merkel: I read that for security reasons you put razor wire atop the White House fence and had the fence electrified. Is that true? 

Trump: Yeah Angela, I had to do that because of all those terrorist Muslim immigrants Obama allowed into the country. They're dangerous!

Merkel: Has anybody gotten zapped? 

Trump: Well, I was looking out of the White House windows last week and a lady walking her dog brought him up too close to the fence and he got zapped. I could see wisps of smoke coming up from his little body. 

Merkel: Oh how dreadful!

Trump: Say, that reminds me, what will they be serving for lunch at the conference, bratwurst and sauerkraut? 

Merkel: Very funny, Donald. No, they're serving hamburgers and French fries!

Trump: No need for sarcasm, Angela. By the way, don't you think it's about time you tried a new hairdo and jettisoned that frumpy pants suit? 

Merkel: You're in no position to be talking about hairdos, Donald, and that leather jacket doesn't look very presidential. It looks more appropriate for a motorcycle gang. 

Trump: We should wind up this conference on refugees pretty quickly. 

Merkel: How so? Isn't it complicated? 

Trump: Not really. We just need to send all these refugee terrorists back to Syria. We should load them on planes and send them right back there. 

Merkel: Wouldn't landing planes in Syria be problematic? 

Trump: Who said anything about landing! WE should just rig them up with parachutes and give them a gentle nudge out the door. 

Merkel: You make everything sound so simple. 

Trump: Am I brilliant or what? 

Jack Russell