Hypothetical 2017 conversation between President Donald Trump and German Chancellor Angela Merkel, as they both attend a European conference on immigration:
Merkel: Were you surprised when you won the election?
Trump: Not really. I was the only viable option. I was far superior to any of the other candidates.
Merkel: So far some of your decisions haven't been too popular.
Trump: You mean like renaming the White House the Trump House?
Merkel: The American press was decidedly negative.
Trump: The press simply doesn't understand I'm like a king. I feel kinglike.
Merkel: Your decision to paint the White House green didn't go over very well either.
Trump: Yeah but green is my favorite color. Green for greenbacks! Green! Green! Green! I love green!
Merkel: I read that for security reasons you put razor wire atop the White House fence and had the fence electrified. Is that true?
Trump: Yeah Angela, I had to do that because of all those terrorist Muslim immigrants Obama allowed into the country. They're dangerous!
Merkel: Has anybody gotten zapped?
Trump: Well, I was looking out of the White House windows last week and a lady walking her dog brought him up too close to the fence and he got zapped. I could see wisps of smoke coming up from his little body.
Merkel: Oh how dreadful!
Trump: Say, that reminds me, what will they be serving for lunch at the conference, bratwurst and sauerkraut?
Merkel: Very funny, Donald. No, they're serving hamburgers and French fries!
Trump: No need for sarcasm, Angela. By the way, don't you think it's about time you tried a new hairdo and jettisoned that frumpy pants suit?
Merkel: You're in no position to be talking about hairdos, Donald, and that leather jacket doesn't look very presidential. It looks more appropriate for a motorcycle gang.
Trump: We should wind up this conference on refugees pretty quickly.
Merkel: How so? Isn't it complicated?
Trump: Not really. We just need to send all these refugee terrorists back to Syria. We should load them on planes and send them right back there.
Merkel: Wouldn't landing planes in Syria be problematic?
Trump: Who said anything about landing! WE should just rig them up with parachutes and give them a gentle nudge out the door.
Merkel: You make everything sound so simple.
Trump: Am I brilliant or what?